He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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