Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
