You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
