I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
