Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
