By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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