I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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