Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
