you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
