Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
