y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
