I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
