Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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