porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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