ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
