If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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