where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
