I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
