Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
