She said her name was "party"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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