I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of course I have a pirate flag
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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