my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
