I'm gonna have a badass scar
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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