if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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