Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
