are you so shy because you have an std?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
