worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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