i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
