I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
