she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
