Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
