I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
