Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
