Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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