I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
