I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
