He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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