there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
PANTIES FOUND
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
