Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
