He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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