how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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