i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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