carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
