I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
