Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
