he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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