I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
