i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
