Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
