Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love you. Go after that dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
