I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
