I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
