I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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