why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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