I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
