I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
