No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize