Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
