Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
