Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
