I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
