i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
