There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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