This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
