Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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