Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
