I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
