oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
