Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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