Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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