he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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