my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
