you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
