White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Help. Why am I so naked?
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