I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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