I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
